"Corporate rules"

The rat race is on, you accept it or not. The survival of the fittest.
Presenting the 7-GUIDE to Surviving the Corporate Jungle:

Rule #1: the most powerful concept of FUKITOL!!!

Don’t let the b****** get you down,
“Every dog has his day and so will you”


Rule #2: CALL a friend.

Telemarketers are extremely annoying specimens of humanity who WILL call and irk one in the midst of professional chaos – right? Wrong! Telemarketers can be your friends. All you need to do know is how to use them well. When a telemarketer calls, don't snap “Busy – not interested.” instead, say:"Oh thank you so much for calling. For xyz reasons I cannot afford your credit- card/housing loan/ personal loan – however I know a person who has been searching DESPERATELY for it - Please DO call him up – his name is Mr. XYZ (Mr. XYZ is the particular not-so-gentleman who might have pissed you off on that particular day) – oh and also, you have got my name wrong – its not ABC but NMC – just so that he doesn’t get confused in case you give him my reference”

Rule #3: Always see the CC
Have you looked at your outlook carefully? There is a very useful invention called the CC. its not there for decorative purposes. USE IT. Use it wisely and use it WELL. CC everyone – don’t stint. CC bosses, colleagues, their wives, their pet dogs, anyone and everyone. Don’t underestimate the power of CC in another very important C in your life – the CYA.

Rule #4: The concept "CoCo"

Put me up, put me down
Put my feet back on the ground
Put me up, take my heart
And make me happy

No I don't mean the song,'CoCo Jambo'
I've been exposed to concept ever since, but only understood it very recently. This useful principle can be adapted to all corporates as well and can be used judiciously on colleagues and senior management. The underlying principle of this is if you can’t CONVINCE, Confuse. Use multi coloured graphs. Use hyperlinks. Use cross tabs. Use arrows and the other entire useful thing which Power point has specifically made for this purpose. Wow them with the designs – overload them with numbers - annotate their heads with bullet points- and sock them with English which is open to various interpretations. Confuse the crap out of ‘em until their eyes glaze over and their heads start drooping from fatigue.


Rule #5: CHAK De Work

Have you ever played or watched tennis? Well it has some very interesting features that MUST be appropriated into your workplace viz. the art of volley! One can’t underestimate the role of lobbying in the workplace – it is CRITICAL. Whether it’s lobbying insults with moronic colleagues, or lobbying bills from one department to another or lobbying work to others.

Master this art.
When in doubt ALWAYS UPWARDLY DELEGATE.

Rule #6: CLASS Participation

how many times have you witnessed that you never get what you are due, while the one who constantly gas all around does manage to steep his way through the promotions. Therefore, meetings, conferences, group building exercises and all similar events provide a wonderful platform for growth and prosperity. ALWAYS state yourself with a great deal of passion and vehemence and conviction at every meeting you attend. Your point of view, your contribution does not have to be relevant to the topic – it can be anything.
Important thing is you should be heard.
This has often been referred to as the rule of CLASS participation.


Rule #7: CALCULATIONS for Success.

And the unfailing formula for success? Here is one which works every single time. Take your monthly gross salary amount – a nice round figure with lots of zeroes (hopefully). Divide it by 30. And every time you can feel your hair - chant the following mantra inside your head...

“For every F****** day I spend here, I get these many (the daily figure) nice, green notes in my bank account .Some weekends I get this for NOT working!”

Open your eyes to a new and brighter day!!!

to be contd...